Podcast 112: Daily habits

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This is Podcast 112 and it’s about habit development. I recently started coaching through an app called Coach.me. Their approach is to focus on creating small daily habits.

The daily part is key. If you can do your new, positive habit even just for a minute every day, that’s better than doing an hour once a week. Once you get momentum with doing whatever it is every day, you can progress to improving the quality or the time you spend.

It’s a big deal to form a new habit. Anything that crowbars you out of your rut takes energy to get started, to overcome that inertia. That’s why it’s totally fair to start your habit small. That minute you spend every day creates the initial push that will soon develop momentum, like rolling a boulder.

This is a great way to form a habit that you may be resisting because it seems too daunting. But anyone can do something for one minute a day. It’s important not to dwell on progress at this point. You’re just developing consistency.

Consistency is what makes habits so easy. They become automatic, meaning you don’t have to spend time and energy on them. You don’t have to feel motivated to do them. It’s as if you’ve off loaded some work onto a robot that does it for you, freeing up your attention for more important things. Consistency is the foundation you need before you can add to your habit.

I’ve talked before about setting up your environment to support your new habit. Common examples are to lay out your exercise clothes the night before so you are ready to hit the treadmill in the morning, or stocking your fridge with healthy food if you’re trying to lose weight.

I’m a big believer in positive motivation. If I have to do something or must do something, I feel an internal tightening up, a resistance to it. Unfortunately, we often think of habits we want to develop as being ways to start doing things we don’t actually want to do, or stop doing things we like to do, like eat food.

The trick here is to structure your habit to entice you, make it something you actively want to do. I recently developed the habit of meditating every morning. I use a timer that includes gong sounds at the beginning and end. I love the sound of them. They feel calming and centering to me and that makes me look forward to sitting down to meditate.

If you want to get better with your to do list, you could write it with a special pen that makes you happy. You could use a special pad. If you use an app, you can often change the colors on the screen and move things around to suit you. Do what you can to make it yours and make it appealing.

Back in podcast 82 I talked about piggybacking your habits. That means pairing the new habit you want to create with one you already have. This could mean building a morning routine, or inserting one more thing into your routine. My meditation session occurs after I feed my cat, Lars. That sequence is important because for the most part it keeps Lars from running around and jumping on my lap while I meditate. My morning begins with opening the living room shade, feeding Lars and then sitting for my meditation.

Note that the paired habit doesn’t have to be related to what you want to add. I’ve also talked about finding interstices of time. I mentioned that in podcast 33. Interstices are gaps between events, places where you transition from one activity to another.

One of them is coming home from work. You probably have a little routine already. Put down your bag and keys, hang up your coat or jacket, take off your shoes and put on slippers. After that maybe you go to the kitchen to figure out dinner, or look at the newspaper or chat with your family.

The interstice happens after the slippers. Before moving on to dinner prep or whatever it is, you have a small period of time that you can expand a bit to add a habit. It could be going to the bedroom to put away clothes and make the bed, as I suggest in my book, Five Minutes to a Relaxing Bedroom. It could be taking ten minutes to review your day at work and jot some notes or even make a to do list for tomorrow.

You could also push it further back and have your gap be between leaving work and arriving home. Start thinking of this time as expandable, a place where you can fit errands on the way home. In this example, the habit is not so much shopping, but regularly asking yourself if there’s an errand you can do before you get home. This is a great way to avoid the honey, you forgot the milk again! Scenario.

Those are six tips to help you make some good habits: do it daily, start small, set up your environment, make it pleasing, pair it with an existing habit, and finding time gaps. Mix and match. Try them all! January is over, but it’s never too late to improve your life for the better.

What you can do now: it’s easiest to begin with the first two: a small habit that you commit to doing every day. Let yourself just do that for as long as it takes to become consistent.

Podcast 102: Use information

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This is Podcast 102 and it’s about using information. Are you good at gathering information? How about taking notes, on a seminar or a book? Maybe you write in the margins of the handouts, or maybe you create a dedicated binder for all your fantastic notes. But… what happens next?

Unless you’re in school, there’s not going to be a test on those notes. There won’t be a specific, time-sensitive reason for you to go back and refer to them again. To use them for a particular reason; to get closer to getting your degree, for example. What happens to a lot of these notes is that they molder away in your file cabinet, or even in your in box waiting for you to read them again. Now be honest, do you ever do that? Do you ever look at them again? Use them?

My guess is that most people don’t, no matter how well intentioned they are. Note taking is a valuable activity. You are more likely to retain information if you take notes, especially if you do it by hand. There’s something about moving your pen across paper that cements things better into your memory.

But even that slightly improved retention won’t matter after a few weeks. What’s clear and fascinating and motivating in your mind from the seminar you just took is going to fade and be crowded out by new demands on your attention. The poetically named Curve of Forgetting shows that we will forget about 40% of new learning over the first 24 hours. If we wait another 24 hours before reviewing the information, we have lost 60%. And it’s downhill from there.

The magic bullet is to USE that information. Put it to work. Fit it into your life so it won’t slide off into oblivion. If you learned how to tune up a bike, find a friend and tune her bike up. If you learned to knit a hat, knit another one and another one. It’s pretty straightforward to practice a skill like that. If you learned about renaissance art, go get some library books to deepen your learning.

Much information you absorb is more abstract, for example, what you learn from listening to this podcast. Although I talk about specific techniques for organizing and time management, I also talk about my philosophy and psychology and behavioral trends. Even then, I come up with ways you can put those idea into action. Still, it’s up to you to do that. I’m not coming over to your house to make you do it. Well, I will do that, actually, if you pay me.

In other cases, the information is even more abstract or generalized and it’s up to you to figure out how to apply it to your life. Say you take a class about self care. You learn about how important is and all the wonderful benefits you’ll get if you do it. You’re inspired. Maybe you get some great idea you can try out.

Maybe you get a lot of ideas! That can be almost as bad as getting none because you won’t be able to do them all and you’ll have to choose, which trips people up. A weekend conference where you go to 8-10 workshops is a gold mine for this problem.

How DO you choose? I like to keep things simple. I say, just pick something to try. Pick the one that appeals to you right now. Can’t limit yourself to one? Pick three. Three is plenty. Save the others for another time.

What if the class requires you to design your own project? None of the information you so carefully take notes on will do you any good without that critical element. This is another common situation where you just need to pick something to apply all the learning to. It could be a marketing class where the information is totally abstract until you relate it to your own venture.

Trust me, you will learn much better by choosing something to work with in the class, even if it turns out not to be your ultimate idea. Trying to apply the information at a later date doesn’t work as well, not the least because you don’t have the support of the class structure to help you.

Now, the nitty gritty: how do you use these ideas?

Change is hard. Repeat after me, change is hard! Take advantage of anything and everything that will make it easier. That means blocking out time in your schedule to practice, putting your running shoes near the door, taping a note to your bathroom mirror, etc. It means setting aside time to review and practice, calling your study buddy regularly for months after the class ends and planning out the steps of your project to unfold over time.

What you can do now: Don’t just stockpile those notes! Find some notes from a class or project that you were excited about but didn’t pursue. Review them and see if you can identify a skill to practice and make part of your life.

Podcast 100: Completion

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This is podcast 100! Wheee! Today I’m going to talk about completion. Some of my podcasts are about concrete actions you can take to get more organized or use your time better. A lot of them are about the concepts that underlie these actions.

I never like doing something unless I know WHY I should do it. So I won’t ask you to do anything without explaining why. When you understand the why AND you agree that it’s a good idea, following through with action is usually much easier. Of course, we all still have our irrational resistance to things, and we act against our own best interests. Such is being human.

Your best self knows what to do and why, however. Take time to find that voice and listen to it instead of acting impulsively. It takes practice.

Okay, what’s so important about completion? Completion is what stops clutter, mental and physical, from happening. Completion means that you begin a task, you finish it, and then you do the third step to complete it, which is to set everything up so whatever is next can easily occur. I know, that’s a little abstract. Here are some examples.

Shopping. You need to buy things, you go out and you buy them (or order online, doesn’t matter). They arrive. Great. Now they’re on your dining table. Maybe you’ve taken them out of the boxes and bags. Good work. A lot of people stop there.

The purchasing is done, you got the stuff. The hard part is over and now you can go do something else. You’ll take care of putting stuff away later. Right? Not really. This step is deceptively difficult because it involves decision making.

The completion step is getting those purchases to their next destination; the fridge, your closet, your handbag, etc. It sounds simple, but it’s common to omit this part. When you do omit it, you have clutter on your table. Yes, a newly purchased item is clutter on your table if it’s not in the place where you will use it.

I hope you can hear the emphasis in my voice on those last five words. Things you own need to be where you will use them, or stored in their own specific place.

In my experience, people find it hard to put things away. They optimistically put this off, thinking it will take a few minutes, sometime later. But when pressed, they realize that they haven’t put things away because they don’t know where they go. In podcasts 15, 25 and 61, among others, I talk about figuring out where to put things. It’s one of those very simple, yet essential, skills you need to prevent and fix clutter.

Completion extends to tasks like setting up that new phone so you CAN use it, and trying out the new tray tables you bought to make sure they work and you don’t need to return them. That’s for new stuff coming in.

Completion is necessary for any actions you do. Here’s an example. One of my clients complained that although her husband was happy to do the family laundry and she appreciated it, he ended his task with the clean laundry folded neatly in the hamper sitting on top of the dryer. What’s wrong with that picture?

The problem was that now my client had to go through all the clothes; hers, her husband’s and the two kids’; and put them all away where they belonged. Hubby wasn’t doing the completion step, which is putting each item in the spot where it will be used, the appropriate closet or dresser.

Besides not knowing where things go, people tend to resist completion because they think it will take a long time. Putting away a family’s laundry can be time consuming, that’s true. It will save time, though, when you need to get dressed and aren’t rooting through the hamper, or even the dirty clothes, to find what you need.

This is why I keep preaching that you should make putting stuff away as easy as possible. Imagine this scenario. You come home, set your purse on a chair, hang your jacket on a nearby doorknob, kick your shoes off under a table, set your keys down, well, somewhere. We’ll worry about that later.

You pull the ice cream out of one of your bags and put it in the freezer. There! Done! You open the shoe box and realize you need to get inserts before you can wear the shoes. The shoes go back in the box, but the tissue paper gets balled up next to it.

You push those aside to look at the magazine you bought. Ad cards come tumbling out. You gather them and stack them near the shoe box. Next you glance through the mail you’ve brought in. It’s a mix of bills, announcements, mystery items and junk. Too much to think about. You put the stack near the shoe box.

Ooof! That was tiring! Time to sit down for a bit. You look around and see purse, jacket and shoes cluttering up the living room, and mail and shopping bags and boxes and random paper filling up the kitchen counter. No wonder you’re tired.

If this is you, go back through the scenario and see where completion needs to occur. The jacket goes in the closet or on a coat rack. The purse goes on the entry hall table, along with your keys. Your shoes go into a rack in the hall or in your clothes closet. Everything has a spot that is fairly easy to get to.

The ice cream is stored, so that’s done. For the shoes, make a note on your to do list to get inserts, then put the box in your closet. They don’t need to stay out as reminders as long as the task is on your list. Put the magazine in the living room or your bedside table; wherever you’ve decided to keep reading material.

Put the mail on your desk or household command center, wherever that is. Even if you don’t get to it for a few days, it will be in a place you can find it again and not cluttering up the counter. Finally, collect all the trash and recyclable paper and put it where it belongs.

Ta da! Now you can take a load off and really relax. It may seem like a lot of piddly little to do’s, but this kind of completion doesn’t take much time, and it will save you from physical and mental clutter.

What you can do right now: look around you for things that are out of place that you know how to put away. Spend a minute or two and just do it.

Podcast 091: Make your bed

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This is Podcast 91 and it’s about making your bed. First, I have an announcement. I’m going to start a group coaching program for productivity, time management, prioritizing, procrastination and decluttering. The format will be virtual so it doesn’t matter where you are in the world, you can still join in. I’ll conduct a live one hour session once a month about a topic, like procrastination.

Students will share what they are working on and I’ll offer real time help and accountability coaching. There will be a private Facebook group and email check ins. I’m launching this program with a special price of $99 a month with a three month commitment. Registration hasn’t started yet, but do contact me if you’re interested and I’ll put you on the list. I’m at Claire@cluttercoach.net.

Okay, on to the podcast. Here’s an excerpt from a commencement address given by Naval Admiral William H. McRaven a few years ago.

If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.

And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made — that you made — and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.

If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.

I think that’s pretty inspiring.

Some of you may know that making the bed is one of the five simple steps you can take to create a relaxing bedroom, the subject of one of my books. The full title is Five Steps to a Relaxing Bedroom and you can find it on Amazon and on my website, cluttercoach.net.

First, making your bed really is one of those things that’s easy and quick to do but also has a satisfying payoff. It gives you a pleasing sense of accomplishment. Second, even if your day hasn’t been miserable, it may have been long and tiring. When all you want to do is lie down and rest, you feel more pampered when the bed is already made. It’s an act of kindness to do for yourself.

Third, those little tasks build up and create great progress. Just starting is much easier when it’s just making the bed. Once you’re in motion, it’s easier to keep going. You get over that initial hump, whether it’s resistance based on feeling that a task is too overwhelming or will take too long or isn’t high priority enough. After you start, those concerns drop away and the fulfillment of being in action takes over.

What are other ways you can make your bed, say, sitting at your desk tomorrow morning? To figure that out, look for tasks that are 1) fairly easy to do, 2) don’t take much time, 3) that you do regularly and 4) that you know will be substantially productive, either from past experience or because they need to be done to make progress on a project.

The first bit is important and often overlooked, although it seems so simple. Sometimes people avoid doing tasks because they truly don’t know how to do them, but more often it’s a matter of wording and scope. As I’ve mentioned before, many to do list items are too vague or are actually projects.

Say you have to generate a weekly report. It’s a pain in the neck and you don’t like to do it. It feels like pushing a boulder up a hill. But if you break it down into a series of small tasks, little steps, your resistance will be less. This could be creating a template that you plug information into. You can start gathering that information differently, putting it into a format that will fit into the template without extra work from you. And, one of my favorite time savers, stop relying on memory for what should happen next.

I use a template to do my podcast every week. Sometimes, I confess, I don’t really want to do it. Looking at the list of steps makes it feel much more doable. There are many steps, involving posting in different places and tagging and uploading images. But I know from previous experience that I know how to do all those things and they go quickly once I get started. Focusing on that list instead of letting my resistance take over helps a lot.

What you can do right now: think of some ways you can start making your bed tomorrow. Develop those habits and notice how much they help you and set you up for further success.

Podcast 082: Piggyback new habits

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Today is a historic day! My topic is Simple Way #52 , Piggyback new habits, and it’s the last chapter in the book. Yay! This is podcast #82 so I’ve done plenty of shows on content that isn’t in the book, probably another book worth.

To celebrate, how about a contest? The prize is a PDF copy of the book. You want to win this book! It will help you with your new year’s resolutions to get more organized and decluttered and use your time better, right? I know there are a lot of you out there who are getting value out of listening to my podcast. Over the last seven days, Soundcloud says I’ve had 2,943 plays! I love that. Thanks, guys.

Here’s the idea: Go to my Facebook page and write a sentence or two telling me what idea or technique you’ve learned from my podcast that’s been the most valuable to you. I’ll give away three copies of the ebook to people who write in, randomly chosen. Sound good? Go to Facebook and find me at Clutter Coach Claire. Good luck!

Okay, on to today’s topic. When you want to develop any new habit, it’s very helpful to piggyback it onto a current habit. That gives it some structure to lean on. It means you don’t have to start from 0.

Say you’re working on a new organizing habit, such as getting your personal mail handled daily, pair that up with a task you’re already in the habit of doing. This is a fairly low energy task, but it does take some time to do properly, so consider those requirements. Try attaching it to your dinner clean up. You tidy up the kitchen after dinner and then you go to your mail sorting spot and tidy that up to, as it were. If your home office is in the kitchen, all the easier to do.

A simpler example is starting to floss your teeth regularly. The most obvious habit to associate this with is brushing your teeth. If you’re not doing that every day, well, I can’t help you. Put your floss with the toothbrush and toothpaste as a visual reminder. The visual reminder and the pull of your regular brushing habit will make it easier to insert this new activity as part of your evening or morning routine.

When you’re in the habit of doing something, it actually feels odd not to do it. That’s the feeling you’re going for. You want not to think about it, to do it automatically.

At work, you might want to develop a habit of filing every week so there’s not so much paper clogging up your office all the time. You could tack this onto another habit or existing calendar item such as a weekly staff meeting. When you get back to your office from the meeting and before you start another activity, spend 10 minutes filing.

As with Simple Way #50, which I talked about in Podcast 68, you don’t have to start from scratch. Leverage your already installed habits. Let the existing habit be the reminder for the new habit. Once they become associated in your mind you will automatically do them both. That association is key. It’s what makes you feel incomplete if you don’t do both things.

Ingrained habits are one of the most powerful organizing tools you can have to make your life more organized. The time you save gives you more time to spend the way you want.

The less time you spend questioning whether you should do something is time that you save. That kind of decision making also depletes your energy.

The cool thing about developing new good habits is that you can use the same tendencies that make it hard to break bad habits. Humans tend to stick to the default. At so many points in our day, we need to make decisions. We have to automate many of them so we don’t feel overwhelmed.

When it’s a bad habit, that means defaulting to having another cup of coffee instead of seeking out a cup of tea or other beverage. We’re used to it and even if we don’t think it’s a great idea, it’s just much easier to keep doing what we’ve been doing.

When it’s a good habit, like knocking off some filing every week, we’re wearing a happy groove. The cue of returning to your desk from the weekly meeting eases you into that next step without resistance or rethinking.

Right now:

Choose a habit you want to develop and see which existing habit it makes most sense to link it to. Use visual cues as reminders.

Fewer decisions = more willpower

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Willpower takes energy. You can use it up and wear it out.

Guess what else uses up your energy? Decision making.

Any decision making. What scarf to wear, how much cereal to put in your bowl, what parking spot to choose. All the little decisions you make all day, every day, take energy.

So if you’re trying to make a change, develop a new habit, you need to save up that willpower to use on that, not waste it on mundane decision making.

What can you do? Find ways to automate decision making. There are decisions you can’t avoid, and ones that are fun to make, such as what to have for lunch. But plenty of others can be put on autopilot, such as a standard measure of the same cereal every day. This translates into a more automated shopping list too.

Another strategy is to give yourself fewer options. Choose 3-5 (this seems to be the magic range of options) favorite scarves for the month. You can choose a different set next month (or just get rid of those scarves you never wear).

Every morning, you’re only choosing between a small number and using less mental energy.

It’s been shown in studies that just thinking about options without having to choose between them is much less stressful. Try daydreaming about what you might have for lunch before you arrive at the decision point to prime yourself for an easy decision.

Pay attention as you go through your day and notice what decisions you make that you can avoid or restrict your options for.

The “just do it” habit

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I aim to get on the treadmill 3 times a week. Do I do it?

Well, there are some days when my schedule tramples that plan, and other days when I just can’t force myself into it. I do go most days, though, and that’s partly because I give myself permission to quit.

Once I get my workout clothes on, I’m likely to get out the door. Once I’m out the door, I’m likely to get to the gym. Once I’m at the gym, whatever I do is a win.

Even if I give myself permission to stop after just 10 minutes, I did 10 minutes. That’s far better than not going at all because I can’t put in the full 25 minutes.

How often do you put off exercise, or anything, because you can’t do it “right”? This is perfectionism, my friends. Avoid it at all costs!

Remember that done is better than perfect. Also, striving to stick to my 3 times a week routine, even if I don’t do the entire routine, helps reinforce that habit.

Habits are your friend

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What are the best habits? The ones that work for you.

Why do they work? Because they are tailored to you in all your quirky glory.

It’s said that the early bird gets the worm and that early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. But, frankly, I am not a morning person. Never have been.

When my mom woke me up for breakfast on school days she usually had to try several times. I slept like a corpse. By contrast, my sister was often awake already, before Mom came in the room.

But I’m a productive person and I get things done. So, there!

Figuring out what habits and strategies work best for you can be trial and error, or remembering back to a time when you were regularly successful. It can also help to do some self investigation about what kind of person you are. 

On her wonderful website, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin writes a lot about habits. In fact, she has a book about forming habits coming out next spring that sounds terrific. 

She has a bunch of quizzes that allow you to identify yourself as a certain type of person. Kind of like astrology, but more helpful. Actually, I always thought astrology was helpful in that it gave you a list of qualities you could accept or reject; another way of investigating yourself.

Knowing your “type” in various contexts can also help you know what advice to take and what advice just won’t work for you. In the first example, I’m an “owl.” All those healthy, wealthy and wise folks are “larks.” Good for them!

Knowing that I’m an owl, I am now free to ignore advice that says I will be more productive if I get up before everyone else and work without distraction. What would really happen is that I would stare blankly at the wall and space out, or feel grumpy and focus on wondering when I could take a nap. 

It’s after 10 pm as I’m writing this. :).

And now, a haiku:

Habit is your friend
Unobtrusive and helpful
Always there for you

Organize your bedroom

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magazine organizing basketWouldn’t it be delightful to walk into a serene, welcoming bedroom after a hard day’s work? It would invite you to relax and nothing else; nothing to put away, nothing to distract you from chilling out.

The way it is now:

The bed is unmade, clothes are slung over chairs and doorknobs, newspapers and magazine are on the floor, the bureau and nightstand are littered with stuff. People, this is not a room conducive to relaxation!

The good news:

I’m going to give you three quick and dirty tips to get that fancy hotel room feel in your bedroom. This isn’t the full-on, let’s organize overhaul I’d do for a client; you don’t have time for that. It’s just a way to experience how terrific it feels to be in an organized bedroom.

  1. Make the bed! The bed is the biggest piece of furniture in the room. If it’s disheveled, the entire bedroom looks disheveled. If you do only one thing, do this.Simplify your bed making by using a thick quilt or comforter that you can just twitch into place. Warm Things on College Avenue in Oakland always has great deals on comforters and covers.
  2. Hang the clothes. Getting dressed in the morning can be a challenge. To keep cast off clothing under control, install hooks on the back of the closet door, or inside wall. Get big ones, so you can hang a lot on there till you’ve got time to put them properly on hangers.Bonus: get another hamper for your closet if it’s too much trouble to take dirty clothes to your main hamper.
  3. Ditch the paper. Ideally, you want to round up all the newspapers and stick them in the recycling (instead of fooling yourself that you’re going to have time to read them later). Station a big, decorative basket near your bedroom door for that purpose. If you can’t bear to throw them all out, get another container for next to the bed, not on top of the nightstand.Containerizing is one of your best weapons against clutter. Check out local favorite Cost Plus near Jack London Square for baskets galore.

Christine Arylo on self love, success and clutter

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Creating an organized space makes it easier for you to lay your hands on the things you need and helps you be more effective because you now have time for the important stuff. It's also an essential part of taking care of the most valuable person in your life, yourself. Christine Arylo, coach and author of the new book, Choosing ME Before WE, graciously took some time from her book promotion schedule (you can hear her speak on June 2nd at 7pm in Oakland at Great Good Place for Books) to do an interview for my blog.

Christine is also an inspirational catalyst who uses the power of self-love to help people liberate themselves into the life they really want… or as she likes to say “Dare to Live and Love YOU!” 

Clutter Coach:
Sometimes clutter results from not deciding where to put things, or just not spending the time to put them away. It's a common problem. But what if you're using clutter as an excuse not to move forward in your life, or to insulate you from discomfort?

Christine_Chair_Cropped Christine:
The clutter we surround ourselves with is the symptom, it’s not the disease itself. The clutter is the outcome of something deeper going on within ourselves, and often times it’s protecting us from something we don’t want to be with… or it’s slowing us down from actually getting what we really want in life. If you have a clutter filled life, you have to stop and ask yourself, “What is behind this clutter? What is it a symptom of? What inside of me am I not willing to be with or look at?” And then attack that problem. The clutter will clear itself up from there. If you only attack the clutter without addressing the underlying issue, the clutter will just keep coming back.

Clutter Coach:
It can be scary to commit to a goal like getting organized if it's a big shift from where you are now. Who will you be once you're organized? Will you lose your creativity? How do you deal with the identity issues that come up with any major change, no matter how positive?

One simple fact: structure actually creates more freedom not less. When you have form and structure in your life – such as getting organized – you create more space and that creates more freedom, not less. And within freedom, you are inherently more yourself, not less.  This lifetime is about letting go of all the ‘stuff’ that isn’t really who we are – fears, society expectations, bad training, ego, obligations, etc. – so that we can be free to be who we really are. If you can keep that perspective, that your life is a series of steps that brings you closer to your truest essence, it’s a lot easier to take each change one step at a time, stopping to integrate what you’ve learned about yourself along the way.

Clutter Coach:
Habits can be ruts we get into that prevent us from seeing what's really going on, or they can be welcome time-savers that allow us to focus on the important stuff. How can we become aware of our habits so we can evaluate them clearly and choose the positive ones?

Notice what continually works well and what doesn't. Then look for the patterns that cause those results. That is where you will find your habits. Obviously, if your habits are producing good results, keep doing them. For the habits that create unpleasant or unwanted results, it’s time to create a new habit, so you need to cut a new internal rut. Literally, you have to retrain your brain to act differently, to follow a different pathway. It takes time but if you treat it like building a new muscle, it can be a lot of fun. The following four step process is one that I use with all my clients and with myself:

  1. Awareness:  You see the truth of your behavior and the outcome it produces. You take responsibility and commit to change.
  2. Reflection:  You still do the habit, but afterwards, you look back and say, “Oh, I did that again. Here is what happened. Next time, I would like to do …”
  3. Change in the Moment:  You notice the habit while you are doing it and you interrupt it, choosing instead to do something new.
  4. Integration: The old habit has been replaced with a new habit, and you no longer have to think about it.

Clutter Coach:
How can becoming accepting and loving of ourselves help us battle that sneaky little demon, perfectionism?

Success begets success, so when you feel good about yourself you will naturally create more things that result in you feeling good about yourself.  Perfectionism never leads to success, only distress, so it’s a habit you want to give up for sure! You can do that by doing two things. 1. Set realistic expectations for yourself that you can meet. 2. When you meet them, celebrate! The more you acknowledge your small wins the more they will add up to big wins. Before I go to bed each night I actually say out loud at least 5 successes I had that day. It sounds so simple, and it really does make a difference.

Clutter Coach:
What's your personal favorite organizing trick?

If it doesn't have a place to go, find it a home. I notice that
whether it’s my email box or my desk, what causes clutter more than
anything are those things that are homeless. So I immediately create a
place for them to go – whether it’s a new email folder on my computer
or in my filing cabinet.

If you find yourself living among clutter, working harder not smarter, or running around like an energizer bunny gone mad, your life is running you, instead of you living it. Don't feel bad, you’re not alone – we’ve been conditioned to live that way. But do be smart and realize that you need to learn some new habits, skills and super powers to deal with the realities of the 21st century. Also be smart enough to find people and resources that can guide you – none of us can do it alone!

About Christine Arylo
A new kind of self-love expert, Christine Arylo, inspirational catalyst, traded in twelve years of creating powerful images for brands like Visa and Gap, to inspire people to bust through their limiting self-images and self-expectations. As an author, speaker, and coach, Arylo is an expert at helping people to get the success and happiness they want by living and loving their most real and wise selves first. She is the author of Choosing ME Before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love, and the founder of the international Madly in Love with ME™ movement. She has appeared on national television and syndicated radio shows across the country, and her opinions have been featured in places like the San Francisco Chronicle, Glam.com and Daily Om.