This is podcast 96 and it’s about being a questioner as one of the four tendencies. If you’ve been listening to me for awhile, you know I love to ask questions! I love to ask what I call stupid questions, the ones that people don’t ask because they take the answer for granted and it doesn’t occur them that they even CAN question it.
I’ve always been this way. When I was a kid my dad gave me a book called Can elephants Swim? which answered lots of questions he couldn’t respond to. Whenever I hear someone say, “well, we’ve always done it this way” it drives me nuts. Why, why, why? I want to ask!
This is why I run my own business and it’s a business where questioning is extremely useful and important. I’m not a very good employee, also for this reason. When rules don’t make sense to me, I don’t obey them.
I AM good at following rules if they’re explained to me and make sense, but in so many jobs, rules come down from the top and no one can explain them. On top of that, there’s all the wasted time and energy devoted to such silly rules. Okay, enough ranting.
I’m exploring this because I’m taking the Four Tendencies course with Gretchen Rubin based on her book. The other tendencies are the Upholder, the Obliger and the Rebel. These group are different in their approach to expectations.
In a nutshell, Upholder honor internal and external commitments, Questioners tend to honor mostly internal commitments, Obligers give preference to external commitments and Rebels, as you may have guessed, don’t honor any commitments!
Like knowing your Enneagram number or even your zodiac sign, learning about your tendency can help you identify what techniques will work best for you to be more organized, manage time better, etc. If you’re a questioner as I am, you’ll do a lot of research before selecting a method to try. You’ll want to know why it is the way it is, how those decisions came to be made. And if you adopt it, you’ll probably end up customizing it to suit you better; improving it because you know best and tossing out the bad stuff because it’s obviously stupid and unnecessary.
I haven’t gotten to the part of the course yet where I get to find out details about the other three tendencies. But in general, Upholders can easily come to congruence with internal and external expectations; they fulfill commitments to themselves and have no problem doing what others want as well.
Obligers tend to forsake their own personal commitments in favor of helping others or going along with the program. But if they’re asked to do too much, apparently they snap and make dramatic changes in their lives. Rebels don’t much like to be accountable and highly value their freedom, even it if means procrastination and lack of productivity that doesn’t serve them. I’ll do another episode on this once I get through the course.
But you can start thinking now whether you are more likely to keep commitments to yourself or to others. If you think you’re an Obliger, you’ll probably do better with an off the shelf solution, something that’s been created and offered as a complete solution, or with a coach or teacher who will lay out a program for you to follow.
An Upholder would also do well with a pre-designed package solution, although Upholders are inclined to want to take on too much and possibly burn out. They often want to cross every T and dot every I just because the instructions say so.
A questioner does best with a system of components that can be added to or subtracted from as he or she sees fit. Questioners pay attention to how well something is working for them and looks for ways to improve or replace it.
Rebels, like questioners, want things their way, but they need to be careful not to reject ideas just because someone or some book or some program suggests them. They do better if they can focus on the benefit they’ll get, rather than on who suggested it.
Here’s an example, the to do list. An upholder can’t wait to get to her to do list and start doing the tasks. A questioner reviews his list often to make sure everything on there is there for a good reason. An obliger may get through the to do list, but discover that everything she did was according to someone else’s priorities. A rebel says, “I don’t need any stinking to do list!”
What you can do right now:
Not every organizing method works for everyone. The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to find a solution that does work for you. Put yourself into the to do list descriptions above and see which feels the most like you.